On Sunday, while singing songs in church, I found myself in tears. I fought them back for much of the morning. As I stood singing praise to my God I realized how anxious and restless my heart feels right now.
For over three years I have been content to watch as God builds our support team around us. I've been happy to take that time to spend with my loved ones. In recent weeks though, my heart is telling me it's time to go. We are slowly and finally getting ready for that day. We're compiling packing lists, and looking for the many things we need to buy to take with us. We're starting to talk about what will go, what will stay, what will be sold or donated. We are hearing Patrick talk more and more about moving to "Ah-cah." We're taking steps of faith that have felt too scary to take before, we are planning on an August departure. We are preparing our hearts and our children for that day.
The only problem with this is that we are still in need of 70% of our monthly support. If I allow my brain to wrap itself around that number I feel scared, and sick, and doubtful. Needless to say, I often feel that way lately. The process of getting from here
to there
feels enormous. It feels unsure. It feels terrifying. When we look over the next seven months of our lives, it's hard to imagine cramming everything that possibly needs to be done into that tiny little blip in time.
But God continues to make us feel restless and unsettled. He is making sure that the desire to work and minister with the children of Uganda turns into more than a desire - it turns into our lives physically, spiritually, and emotionally changing. Radically.
Beyond that, I still feel scared. I worry about people not hearing and seeing our call, our desire, our longing to be in Uganda. I worry about passing on our fire and passion for the ministry that Hope Alive is. I worry about people being unwilling or unable to support us. The bottom line is, that is what we need very most, supporters, partners, friends. Those people who will financially give, regularly to our ministry. Those who will pray alongside us not only when we land on Ugandan soil, but at this very moment while many of our hours are spent as a mom, or a bellman, or as a dad.
Sometimes I am not even sure how to categorize the people who have already given over so much of their resources to make sure we can do God's ministry in Uganda. To simply call them supporters, or partners, or even friends feels like it downplays what they really are and how we really feel about them. The people who come alongside us are very literally holding our hands, throwing out lifelines, and carrying us (even when our feet are still on US soil). How to put what we feel in our hearts, into words feels impossible at times. nd while thank you never feels like it's adequate enough, it's all we have to give. So, if you're reading this and you support us, THANK YOU! Our hearts are humbled by how God is using you in our story and how He plans to use you in the stories of Ugandan children!
I know this is so rambling, but I feel like there is a point to all of this.
Brandon and I both know that our times are in God's hands. We know that only God knows what His plan is and that we will get to Uganda when God deems it fit, and that he already knows that time. Sometimes though, it's just plain hard. It's hard to ask and it's hard to receive, and it's very hard to wait. The waiting is so hard, waiting for God to reveal the right people who will support us, waiting for the right date to start working towards, waiting for the magic of seeing that number climb to 100%.
The reality is, without regular, financial support from people and from churches, missionaries would cease to exist. I can't fathom a world where this would be the case. Missionaries rely completely on the financial gifts of their partners in ministry. And, many missionaries struggle to even begin to know how to ask. We can tell ourselves, and even believe it with all our hearts, that we are simply asking for some of God's money to be allocated to our specific ministry through individuals we know, but sometimes it doesn't make the asking any easier.
But, we keep moving forward despite discouragement because ultimately we know that the God of heaven has called us, specifically Brandon and Wizzy and Patrick and Henry Heersink to this work and to Uganda and to Hope Alive! He has told us to go, so we step forward in faith. Having faith doesn't always means it's easy, but it certainly makes it worth it.
So, if you pray for us, if you partner with us in our future ministry, will you pray that Brandon and I will ask boldly for the finances we need to go to Uganda and do ministry there? Will you pray that God gives us a heart of confidence? We were told once that God wants ambassadors on the mission field, not apologists. Will you pray that we won't portray an attitude of apology when we meet with potential financial partners? Will you pray that God will guide us to the right people and the right bodies of Christ that will get us to that 100% by August?
We need to be bold. We need to be confident. Somewhere in three years, we've lost our confidence and we fight to have the faith that this is what God wants for us, and for our current and future financial partners.
I have to continually remind myself, that this is God's great big story. It isn't just about the Heersink family moving to Uganda to work with Hope Alive. This story is about how God is going to use and bless the people who walk alongside us in our journey. It is an honor to get to be their hands and feet on the mission field. It is Hope Alive's! story. It is about the 500+ kids in the program. It is about the director's and leaders and mentors who are privileged to be part of Hope Alive. This story is so BIG. We are just a teeny tiny part of it.
Please take some time to prayer for our family as we seek new financial partners. Pray that God not only blesses us, but everyone he has already written into this story in great, big, huge ways. Please pray alongside us as we look towards a not too distant future that includes so many people. We covet and need those prayers right now. Our hearts are already in Uganda. We would love to be reunited with them as quickly as God sees fit.
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